


For Now (A Remix Before the War)

by sophinisba



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Community: cap_ironman, Estrangement, Gun Violence, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Break Up, Remix, Sokovia (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophinisba/pseuds/sophinisba
Summary: Tony isn't sure it's a good idea for the idea for the Avengers to return to Sokovia, but he's off the team now. It's not his decision to make.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61
Collections: 2020 Captain America/Iron Man Relay Remix





	For Now (A Remix Before the War)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [what it takes to talk (a courthouse steps remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813621) by [navaan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan). 
  * Inspired by [what it takes to talk (a courthouse steps remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813621) by [navaan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan). 



It's not that Tony's averse to public relations stunts. God knows, he was brought up with them. Or maybe that's the problem. Since he was brought up with them, he understands them too well. 

As a method of managing the brand, of keeping up shareholder confidence and good will, fine, he'll make whatever appearances he needs to make, give away as much money as he can. As far as actually making amends? Hell, that's a life's work, a full-time job. And a pretty much impossible one –– for Tony, anyway. 

Steve doesn't get that. Neither do Sam or Wanda or even Rhodey, God love him. There are advantages to growing up a nobody. Or, he supposes, coming into being as a supremely mature and intelligent adult, even if Vision's got his own problems. 

And, obviously, there are advantages to not having caused irreparable harm to countless human beings and societies before you ever got into the superhero business. 

Anyway, Tony's got Stark Industries public relations stunts to attend to. And the Avengers can take care of their own. Especially since, after that long heart-to-heart with Wanda last month, he knows that he'd already been involved in several generations' worth of suffering in Sokovia in particular before he ever met her, before he and Steve Rogers ever had their first argument or their first make-up kiss, before Ultron was even a glimmer in his eye.

So, "Go," he tells Natasha on the phone, "have fun. Dedicate some monuments, visit some hospitals."

"We've got an itinerary."

Tony knows what she's hinting, doesn't respond. "The timing's good," he adds. "I've been hearing some noises from the White House and the State Department about ––"

"Yeah, I bet they sound a lot like the rumors circtulating around the UN."

"Yeah." A beat. "You guys'll look good. And hey, I bet with some coaching the kid can give a pretty good speech. _Even though my task now is to defend the earth, Sokovia will always be my home..._ " 

"We've got that part covered too," she says. "It's important, the hometown angle, just like it was for you and Steve to talk about growing up in New York after ––"

"Right," says Tony, "I'm sure Cap can help her punch it up. Orphans gotta use what we got, tug at the patriotic heartstrings."

Tony and Steve have cried over their lost parents together. Obie had helped Tony script and practice a few lines about how much he valued his father's legacy and his Mom's gentle spirit within weeks of the accident, so he came across as sincere and mature by the time he was doing new CEO interviews. Steve was the first one to push him to say what he really felt.

"You're welcome for the funding, by the way. And for the new designs on the prefab housing. The energy efficiency will be miles ahead of what ––" 

"We got that press release too," says Natasha, and Tony swallows, knowing if anyone actually gets why Tony would give his right arm to never have to show his face in Sokovia again it's her. "I still think it would mean more to people to hear directly from you."

"Yeah, well," he says, and has to cast about for a few seconds before trying with, "got a lot going on with the day job right now. The telecommunications game is..." and quickly letting it peter out. "It's a good move for the Avengers," he says, and silently wills her not to push back.

"Okay," she finally says. "See you when we see you."

Tony doesn't mind a photo op, or a giveaway, or a cheesy speech, he really doesn't, but it's not the right move, not with the Sokovian and international press both ready to tear him apart for different reasons, whatever he does. He truly believes the team will make a better impression on their return to the city they saved/destroyed (mostly destroyed) if he's not part of that team.

That, and he's a pathetic lovesick coward.

* * *

Which is not to say he actually stays home, or dedicates his time to keeping up with the telecommunications game, or that he isn't dying to see the half-rebuilt capital (Sami Novi Grad, they're calling it, the _Really_ New City) with his own eyes.

Stark Industries' chief engineer can't make an official appearance in Sokovia and neither can Iron Man, but Tony needs to be there. He actually considers stowing away on the Avengers' plane but ends up taking his own. He flies the last few miles in a suit he had mocked up to make him look like one more of the Iron Legion –– familiar enough in these parts now that nobody puts much energy into their scowls.

So he's there, at the edge of the new city square, well before the Avengers show up. He watches the crowd gather with its uneasy mix, reads the signs in English and lets the HUD translate the Sokovian with its multiple spellings, "WELCOME AVENGERS", "AVENGERS GO HOME", "WE LOVE YOU WANDA", "MAXIMOFF TRAITOR", and so on.

Kind of nice, he reflects, mostly nice, that his name isn't the one they care most about. On the other hand, he's got more practice handling that kind of thing. Wanda's just a kid.

When the Avengers do step out of their transport she looks more like a kid than ever. It's obviously on purpose. They've got her in a ratty overcoat that makes her look extra tiny. From his distance Tony can't tell if she's actually wearing no makeup or just the kind that tries to hide itself. He brings up the feed from a camera positioned closer to them. Yeah, nice subtle work. She's trembling. That's probably not on purpose. 

Natasha's got a hand on her shoulder, is probably giving her some sensible advice. The others are all in civilian clothes as well. The lack of uniforms has to be a conscious choice. Make them look normal, approachable. Problem is, they're not normal people. 

If Tony had been involved he would've insisted on a little bit of armor. 

Sometimes he tries to imagine being a normal person. Hard enough for anyone, and with all he's seen in the last few years, he's come to realize that being a normal person on earth might well mean you've survived a war or two. And what if after all that one day your city starts flying through the air and suddenly Steve Rogers is carrying your child and helping you run to safety while your home falls apart at your feet.

If you're gonna lose everything, he thinks, there are worse ways to go about it.

Challenging for anyone, starting over, trying to plan a new life after something like that, and one day while you're still learning to navigate the refugee camp you find an old neighbor that you haven't seen since your building collapsed and they say, _Did you hear? It was Tony Stark that started it all._.

Wanda's about to step up to the podium when a tomato flies, hitting Steve square in the face. Tony controls the urge to move in. It's not like Steve and the team can't defend himself against vegetables. Wanda's talking into the microphone then, and even though he can't understand the words Tony can tell she must be adlibbing, making a joke of it. Natasha, who can understand, laughs along, and even Steve gives a theatrical shrug and a grin. Red juice drips down his stupidly beautiful face and Tony seethes.

They're moving slow and calm, pretending nothing's wrong and no one is alarmed, though there are shouts in crowd, movement, everyone's scanning for threats and Tony says, "Guys," into the comms he's not supposed to be in on and Rhodey says, "You have got to be kidding me," and then the first shot rings out and Steve is on the ground and Tony is flying to him while Sam and Vision fly away toward the shooter.

Tony lands in a crouch over Steve, retracts the faceplate and the gauntlets to look with his eyes, lays a hand on Steve's shoulder and the wound he finds there.

"You're not supposed to be here," Steve gasps.

"Yup, that's what I said," Tony answers. He presses on the wound as blood rushes out, thinking this is fine, he's seen Steve pull through worse and then there's movement out of the corner of his eye, _knife_ he thinks, trying to move fast enough to block the guy while Natasha grabs him, but it's a gun and then it's going off inches from Tony's ear. Steve wheezes and gasps, and a bigger well of blood blooms on the right side of his chest. 

"Steve!" Tony shouts, moving to cover the second wound, but Steve's out, his eyes closed and his face slack. "Come on, Cap, stay with me."

Out of his peripheral vision Tony can see Natasha fighting the attacker while Wanda raises a scarlet shield around them. There's pushing and shoving, murmurs and shouts from the crowd. Tony hears his own name and Steve's, recognizes the word _America_ and the Sokovian for _Iron_ for its similarity to Russian. Sometimes he hates how many things his mind can do at once.

There's blood all over his hands and though that's nothing new figuratively the physical reality of it is overwhelming and Tony swallows back panic. "FRIDAY," he says, not sure what he's asking but she supplies him with vital statistics, the movements of the others, the medevac helicopter on its way. "Maximoff, clear a space for the chopper to land," he says, and she's beautiful as a dancer, shifting her stance and her power without missing a beat. 

"Steve," he says, though he can't tell if he can hear, "just breathe, Steve. Help is on the way. Stay awake now, we'll get you out." 

Natasha kneels on Steve's other side and takes over putting pressure on one of the wounds. "Shooter two's unconscious," she reports, and Tony hears it next to his ear as well as over the comms. "So is Cap. Medevac's on the way. Welcome back, Tony." Tony can barely nod.

"Shooter one's with us," says Rhodey, and Tony thinks that was fast, but that's how it goes when they're together. 

In the midst of the horror it hits him that he's missed this play of voices and bodies and powers, missed being part of this team. The last time he felt real joy might have been here in Sokovia that first time (when he didn't know what his name meant here), the morning they rushed Strucker's lab. The fact that Wanda was the one who put an end to the fun part doesn't really matter anymore. Just like he doesn't care right now that Steve still blames him for Ultron, that he still won't even consider Tony's plans to defend against the bigger threats he knows are coming. 

"Stay with me," he says again. "I'm with you, Steve. Stay with me." 

If life could always be an emergency Tony might be able to handle it better.

* * *

There's talk of airlifting to Austria but they end up just a few miles away, in a brand-new state-of-the-art hospital that Tony apparently paid for. It's clear that the local doctors have a lot of experience with trauma but not with supersoldiers. They're ready to go in after the bullets and Tony sees Steve stirring. 

"Stop, he can't –– the anesthetic ––" Tony starts and quickly runs out of words. He still doesn't know how to talk to doctors, for all the time he's spent in places like this. He brings up a link with Sam, who calmly lays out the information they need, medicines and measures and maybe Tony should have let him in the chopper with them but nobody could talk to him when they were boarding. Even the medics struggled to pry his hands away from Steve's body. 

There's an IV and a tracheal tube and there's waiting and there's hours of surgery. Tony sits on a plastic chair, changing from one uncomfortable position to another every thirty seconds. Going without sleep is easy when he's working on a problem but torture when he has nothing to do. He toggles between designs for inconspicuous armor and watching the news on his phone (arrests, speeches, martial law) while the machines connected to Steve and the other bodies chirp and hiss. Steve seems to be breathing okay on his own, though a few times FRIDAY has to remind Tony to do the same. She can't convince him to eat.

"I'm not sure you should have that thing down his throat," he says to a doctor at some point. He thinks it's the next day. "He heals fast. Ought to be awake by now and it might cause ––" 

"It's just a precaution for now, it won't do him any harm," she says, then frowns at Tony. "Strange they targeted him," she adds. "Lots of people hate the Avengers, but ––" 

"I was out of sight," Tony explains. She nods and moves on to another patient.

Tony goes to stand close to Steve's bed, takes hold of the hand that isn't connected to the IV. "Okay," he says, "I'm gonna talk to you like this is a movie, like you can hear." He looks away from Steve, toward the nurses' station, hoping the staff can't hear him, resigned that they probably can. "Maybe I just need practice since it's been a while. I um, I know there's a lot we disagree on. I don't think ... I don't know how to fix that. There's things I think I _can_ fix, but that's what I was doing with Ultron and we all know how that turned out. If I told you what I'm working on now you'd probably hate me even more. And it's not fair to try to explain when you can't argue back, so I... I swear, Steve, I'm doing everything I can, but if ––" his voice starts to crack and he coughs, makes like he's clearing his throat. He stares down at Steve's hand. "Don't die though, okay?" It comes out in a sad kind of whine. "Don't die on me, I really don't think I could ––" 

Then the hand that was limp is squeezing back. Tony looks up to see Steve's eyes open and full of alarm. 

"Hey guys," he calls out, and people start rushing over. 

Steve doesn't want to wait for them, is already moving his other hand to tug at the breathing tube.

"Leave it," Tony tells him, "just leave it just a minute," and Steve glares, lets go of Tony's hand. 

Tony remembers waking up in a cave and pulling every foreign object he could off and out of his body before anyone could touch him. If he hadn't been too weak he'd have pulled Yinsen's magnet out of his chest as well. He probably would've died within minutes.

"For God's sake, you took two bullets and one of them went through a lung," he tells Steve now. "You need that thing."

By this time the doctors and nurses have arrived, and the one Tony last talked to checks the machines and says with mild surprise, "Actually, I don't think he does anymore."

Tony sighs, relieved and somehow angry. Fucking serum, he thinks half hysterically, is there nothing that can keep this guy quiet for two minutes while Tony tries to spill his guts?

"Mr. Rogers," the doctor says, "you've been badly injured, as Mr. Stark said, but you're recovering remarkably quickly." She gives a little smile as she adds, "I imagine that doesn't surprise you. We're going to remove this tube now but it's very important you stay calm and try not to disturb your injuries. Can you do that for me? Please blink twice if you understand."

Steve keeps glaring for a few seconds and Tony wouldn't put it past him to refuse, to straight up power his way out of this joint, bullet wounds and lung damage be damned. It's sickening, seeing it come out, especially because Tony can't help reliving his own experience with chest trauma and invasive procedures. Steve coughs and gasps and looks miserable and Tony regrets his annoyance a minute ago. Kind of regrets their many, many fights, but also kind of can't.

"You're gonna feel better real soon," he says, feeling useless as he stands behind the nurse who's helping Steve sit up.

_He's gonna be okay,_ Tony texts the team, while the doctor talks Steve through what they've done. 

_Of course he is_ , Nat answers within seconds. 

"What's most important now is that you continue to rest," says the doctor. "Don't try to move too soon or talk too much." 

Rhodey texts, _All of us are._

The doctor gives Tony a heavy look and he slips his phone in his pocket to hold up his hands in a gesture of innocence. She nods and moves away. 

"Team sends their love," Tony says airily. Steve may be rolling his eyes –– hard to tell, he looks so uncomfortable. Tony's chest aches. 

"I shouldn't have –– I shouldn't have let you go out there, not when there was still so much anger out there. Or if I –– I shouldn't have let you go without me." 

"Tony," Steve says hoarsely. 

"No, I know what you're gonna say, you've gone into sixty-four-thousand more dangerous situations, I hear you. But you didn't go into this prepared for people to be shooting at you. This was PR, and it was a PR stunt I was too scared to do. I let you go and I wasn't there with you and I'm sorry." 

Steve tugs at Tony's hand to make him shut up. "You..." he says, "You _were_ there, though. Why were you there?" 

Tony doesn't know how to answer that. He pinches the bridge of his nose. Then Steve pats the side of the bed and looks at him in a way that Tony understands. He sits down awkwardly. He feels the warmth of Steve's astonishing, damaged body through the hospital sheet, and takes his hand again. 

"Were you awake earlier?" Tony asks, "When I was doing my desperate tragic spouse act?" 

"Yeah," Steve says. "I listened. See? Didn't die." 

"Yeah, thanks for that." 

"We need to talk, Tony." 

Tony shakes his head. "We need to keep not talking. Nothing to do with my emotional unavailability, just following doctor's orders." 

"Stop it," Steve warns, "my lungs can't handle laughing." 

"You can handle anything," Tony grouses, "thank God." 

"If we can't talk, at least let me touch you," Steve says with another tug at Tony's hand. Tony half falls against him, still careful to land at Steve's side and not on top of him. 

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he says. He settles under the blanket while Steve rubs his shoulder, kisses a tear Tony hadn't noticed slipping down his cheek. God, if anything's really going to destroy him it's this, it's Steve Rogers showing him kindness. Tony finds himself shaking. 

"Shh, it's all right," Steve says softly, holding him, comforting him after all this. 

_It's really, really not_ , Tony thinks, considering the consequences of what's just happened, and what the others are going to say once they have him in the room, the rumblings from the State Department and the UN even before this incident, and the fact that Steve will never, never agree with him about what it means to protect the world. 

Tony takes a few deep breaths, matching them to Steve's and remembering to be grateful for that, for both of them, here, breathing, before he says, "I'm not supposed to argue with you." 

"Just for now," Steve insists, and Tony can hear his smile. "I promise for now it's all right." 


End file.
